Growing up, I always knew there was a call on my life. Growing up in the Church, I can remember my grandparents friends telling me,

Funny thing is, I believed them.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not been a road without potholes. From a pretty dark early childhood that led to a frustrating and misguided season of being a teenager, it wasn't until after high school that I was able to really step into finding myself and my confidence. You get it.

At 19, I stepped back into the Church after a 6 year absence. From there, it was on. I committed everything to my career. I traveled the country: speaking, influencing, leading, singing...  From 40 people to 40,000, I found a home on the stage and in leading others into their own victory. I was surrounded by the most influential names and artists in the evangelical church, a part of the conversation in how the Church moves forward into a new generation, but it didn't come without a price.....

I was lost. I was a victim. I blamed. I was depressed, anxious and drinking. A week after this photo was taken, an ambulance would be called to my home because I was convulsing on a bathroom floor after drinking a bottle of rum, just to numb the self-induced stress of trying to be all things to all people and feel useful.... my ex-wife was 39 weeks pregnant at the time... 

I wasn't TRYING to be this way. The pressure I put on myself to perform and nurture and "show up" for everyone, 24/7, left me anxious at night and needing something to put my mind at ease. The stress of being good at things left me overwhelmed with too many ideas and no clear direction. So, numb it.

The problem? Just like with anything... It's easier to get a bit out of control than to stay in control. 

I was lying. 

I was lying to you. 

I was lying to myself.

I was successful on the outside. I had it all. But it was masking the things inside of me that I thought the accolades and accomplishments would solve. 

That version of me died just over 3 years ago, and over those 3 years, I pushed through my own personal hell to come out the other side: stronger, focused, and successful. So, what happened to cause the change? Where did the pain convert to power?